Putting yourself out there
by Kensumako
Summary: "I was just wondering if I am like Pinocchio in a way. I want to be a real person but I am lacking. I have a voice in my head and it sounds like my mom so instead of me listening to it, and conform to social norms. I can't. Because it's my mom and I never want to listen to her."
1. Chapter 1

** **AN: Hi All! Just finished watching Rookie blue from Season 1 to Season 4 in two weeks (yes, it's that addictive). And I decided to dip my toes into writing a bit of fan fiction for this series. This is my first non-mentalist fan fiction so please forgive any OOC issues. Please review and let me know what you all think. This is a start of a multi-chapter.****

**Chapter 1**

"Who needs a silly voice in their head anyway?"

Gail said as she slumped up against the bar at the black penny.

"Why would anyone want a disembodied voice telling them what to say and how to act?" She asked into her glass as she downed the last dregs of her beer.

"I seriously don't know what we are talking about now. I was fine with our discussion of gun protocol when you changed the subject." Traci replied in bafflement. She has never heard Gail volunteer her thoughts, unless Gail was already drunk. And three mugs of beer and two shots of tequila doesn't get Gail drunk, hell it doesn't even get her tipsy.

"Have you seen Pinocchio?" Gail asked again.

"Yes, not in full though. I just saw a bit of it one afternoon while Leo was watching it."

"Okay so did you get to the part where Pinocchio meets Jiminy Cricket?"

Traci was not getting where this was going, but she'll go with it.

"Yes, supposedly the cricket was Pinocchio's conscience. Since he wasn't a real boy and he didn't have a conscience."

"Ok so… I am not saying I don't have a conscience. But I do have a broken switch." Gail offered tentatively.

"What switch is broken?" Traci asked although she pretty much has an idea what Gail meant.

"My sarcasm switch." Gail answered irritably.

"Ok so what does this have to do with all the gun control policies we were talking about earlier?" Traci asked with calm, she's used to Gail's snarky-ness.

"Nothing, it has nothing to do with guns or anything at all. I was just wondering if I am like Pinocchio in a way. I want to be a real person but I'm lacking. I have a voice in my head and it sounds like my mom. So instead of me listening to it, and conform to social norms. I can't. Because it's my mom and I never want to listen to her." Gail said quietly.

Traci just looked at the blonde trying to comprehend what was behind all these things she was saying. She half wondered if the drinks were spiked. Gail has never been like this before. Then she answered. "Gail you are a real person. In fact you're as real as anyone can get. You tell people what you think about them, without honey-coating anything. You don't care if it pleases them or not. You state things as they are."

Gail didn't respond she just kept staring at her now empty glass. She appreciated that Traci was making her feel better. But she knew that if she kept on being a "real-person" it will cost her.

After ordering another shot of tequila from the bar-keep Gail looked at Traci and said.

"I know I am not really Ms. Congeniality and I can be really mean. But it's just really hard for me you know. I don't want people to know I'm having trouble with things, because it will seem like a weakness. And Pecks are never weak."

"Gail believe it or not I knew that you were gooey at the center even before you admitted it just now." Traci chuckled as she said this. "What I want to know is why the sudden interest in having a conscience and making people like you?"

Gail stared at Traci and said "Not people, just one" in a near whisper, Traci almost missed it.

Aha! A light bulb finally came on in Traci's head.

"Gail believe me you are not unlikeable. You just make sure that the people in your life deserve to be there." Traci replied reassuringly. "And if you want that one person to stay you may want to start listening to your mom's voice."

"But I don't want tooooo." Gail said wailing while slumping even further onto the bar.

"You do know that it's not actually your mom right?"

"Yes I do! It's just that…"

"Then just think of it as your own personal Jiminy Cricket and maybe the voice would eventually start changing tone. It's not a sign of weakness to show someone you care and that you're interested." Traci cut off Gail's complaints.

"Besides it's not like Holly could be anymore obvious. She did come running when you called her to the hospital a couple of days ago." Traci added trying to fight of the grin on her face.

"Who said anything about Holly?" Gail said flatly.

"Whatever Peck. You can stop denying that you like her then maybe you two of could get somewhere." Traci got up off the stool and drank her beer in one go.

"Where are you going?" Gail asked as she watched Traci gather her coat.

"I am heading home. It's my night with Leo and I can't be out too late. You got this right?" waving at all their used up glasses.

"Ok fine. You did listen to me while I let my gooey center flow, so yeah. I got it." Gail said while hanging her head low in shame.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of Gail. You just need someone to appreciate that side of you, to see that it's not all that bad." Traci said as she walked away.

A few minutes had passed; Gail was still nursing a beer at the bar. Then her phone buzzed. Gail lazily took out her phone from her pocket.

She perked up at the sight of her phone's screen. It showed that she got a message from "Her Nerdness".

Fighting a goofy smile off her face she opened up the text and it read:

"Good evening officer. I just had a question regarding the statute of limitations for stolen items. I just found out who stole my high school hockey jersey."

Gail replied "I am now off-duty, and not obliged to answer any work related questions without appropriate compensation."

Gail placed her phone on the bar and stared at it for a while. She thinks it's stupid that she's waiting for someone's text in a bar filled with people she could very easily be mingling with.

So she put her phone in her pocket and paid the bill.

While walking home she felt her phone buzz in her pocket again. She fought the urge to check her text while she walked. But she did pick-up her pace, she wanted to be in her apartment as soon as possible. Holly might fall asleep as she was walking home and she wanted to text with her for a bit more.

As she turned on her street she saw a car parked in front of their apartment. She had a tingling feeling in her stomach. Her brain was on overdrive, she so desperately wanted it to be who she thinks it is.

***Yes this is a cliffy please post review. I hope you guys enjoyed it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**As promised here is chapter 2 of this story. For everyone who was asking OOC means out of character. I hope you guys like it! Read on.**

**And thanks again to everyone who reviewed and to everyone who followed and alerted this story.**

**Chapter 2**

Gail was thinking it can't be, could it? Here she was practically sprinting her way home to be able to text the person who she thinks is in that car, parked in front of her apartment.

Gail kept walking. Pulse racing, she fixed her eyes on the wind shield to try and see who was in the driver's seat. A silhouette of a woman with long hair, it was dark in the car.

As she got nearer, a goofy grin started planting itself on her face. She knew it.

It was Holly in the car. She stopped at the passenger side window and knocked on it. Holly hadn't seen her coming. The brunette had her head resting on the steering wheel, staring at the phone on her lap. She jumped at the sound of the knocking on the window.

Gail gave her a quizzical look as the window rolled down. "What are you doing here? Stalking a police officer is not a smart hobby, I thought you had like an M.D. or a Ph. D. or some sort of D."

Holly fought a smile. "Not to toot my own horn but I am both an MD and I have a PhD."

Gail rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I didn't need you to state that. I already knew you were a nerd. Again, what are you doing here?" she said the last phrase slowly, like when an adult addresses a child.

Holly couldn't keep her face straight as she said "I had asked you a question; you said you needed compensation, so here I am."

"Please don't tell me you're the compensation? You may not know what compensation means." Gail said sarcastically.

"Of course not I brought Pizza." Holly said as she ducked towards the passenger seat and picked up a box of pizza. She then proceeded to get out of the car. "I sent you a text that I was coming over." Holly said as she fell beside Gail as they walked up the house.

"Oh, did you? " Gail then took out her phone and started reading the text.

"What is that?! Why did you name me 'Her Nerdness'" Holly exclaimed, she can't help but see Gail's screen. The phone was angled towards her.

Ooppss.. Gail thought. "Because that's what you are. You are a nerd. You might be the biggest nerd of them all." She told Holly pocketing her phone again. She didn't get to finish the text. She wanted to get it away from Holly before the other woman tried to wrestle it from her.

They stopped by the door. Gail fished out her keys, opened the door and waited for Holly to go in first. "I'm not sure if I should find you giving me a nickname endearing or insulting." Holly said as she stood just inside the door.

"Friends give each other nicknames all the time why would you be insulted?" Gail said as she undid her coat and hung it by the door. She took the pizza box from Holly and went to the kitchen.

"You may want to get comfortable. Chris is on night shift and Dov is most probably at the hospital." Gail hollered from the kitchen as she put the pizza box on the table.

Holly took off her coat and hung it beside Gail's. She went into the kitchen and took the beer Gail was holding out to her. Gail noticed that Holly had a baseball shirt on and jeans that fit perfectly. "How are they, Sam and Chloe?" Holly asked her as she opened her beer.

"No change actually, Chloe's husband is still refusing to agree to the surgery. Sam is still in the ICU. He hasn't woken up yet." Gail said somberly.

"It's really weird to hear you say Chloe's husband. Up to three days ago she was all too happy sitting on Dov's lap answering trivia questions. Now she's married, and not to Dov."

Gail shrugged. "Yeah I know. That's why it's really hard to believe people these days. They show you a side of them that they know you would like, when actually they're someone else completely."

"Whoa, it's just 7pm and you're already all grave and serious." Holly said trying to lighten the mood. She took a slice of pizza from the box she brought and took a bite.

"Hey! Who said you can take a slice? That's my pizza remember."

"It's my pizza actually; you haven't even helped me yet!" Holly said in between bites.

"What were you asking me anyway?" Gail said indignantly.

"So let me just give you a brief background." Holly said polishing off the pizza and rubbing her hands on her jeans.

Gail absent mindedly followed Holly's hands with her eyes. She watched as her hands did a few rounds on the curves of her hips as they made an effort to clear off the crumbs. She didn't know how hypnotizing it was to see someone do that. Or maybe it depends on the person doing the hand rubbing.

Gail was brought back to reality when Holly cleared her throat.

Gail slowly brought her eyes up to Holly's face. She saw Holly pointedly staring at her above the frame of her glasses. She felt herself redden. The heat started rising from her shoulder blades up her neck and ended at the tip of her ears.

"So do you think I can still press charges for the theft of my jersey?" Holly asked Gail smiling.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear your story. I am complete out of it today. I think it's because I'm tired and I already had a few drinks at the penny with Traci." Gail apologized.

"Oh… okay. I think that's my cue then. I don't want to bother you anymore than I have. I shouldn't have come without waiting for your reply anyway." Holly said pushing off the counter and heading for the door.

This caught Gail by surprise. She didn't want Holly to leave. She followed Holly out the kitchen. "No… no.. that's not what I meant." Gail said flailing her arms as she watched the other woman put on her coat.

"I really don't want to impose my company on you anyway." Holly said finishing buttoning her coat and turning to face Gail.

Both of them realized at the exact same moment that they were standing too close; after Holly turned around they were almost nose to nose.

This was when Gail's Jiminy Cricket raised the alarm bells in her head. It was telling her to do all sorts of untold things. Gail fought off the urge. She didn't want to fall victim to her urges again. Not until she's sure. She just got out of a relationship that broke her heart for Pete's sake. And Holly didn't deserve to be a rebound, or worse, an experiment.

So despite all of the protests of her mom's voice in her head, Gail stepped back. This seemed to take Holly out of the moment. At least she wasn't the only one affected by their nearness, Gail thought.

"Thanks for coming over and bringing food. I didn't notice I hadn't eaten anything until I smelled pizza." Gail said as she stepped around Holly to open the door for her.

"You're welcome. Just don't let it go to waste ok?" Holly said with a full on smile.

She stepped towards Gail and gave her peck on the cheek and said "Goodnight, Gail."

Gail just watched on as Holly got in her car and drove away. Thinking of how much trouble she's in now. It's been three minutes and her cheek was still tingling from that kiss.

**And here lies the rub. We all want them to get together but we have to remember Gail was straight before all this friendship started. So I am writing this as realistically as possible. Thanks for reading give a review pretty, pretty please. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone! I wanted to switch and see what the other side of the coin is like. So here we have a chapter exploring the feelings of Holly and why the abrupt exit from last chapter.**

**Chapter 3**

An incessant buzzing coming from her nightstand woke Holly. Seeing the bedside clock blink 2:35 am in its hazy greenish glow did nothing for her mood. She violently grabbed her phone off the stand and growled "Hello" into the speaker.

"Hey Holly!" said a very familiar voice

"Tin! This better be good. It's 2:30 in the morning and you just woke me from a very nice dream." Holly said with a hiss.

"First, it's 2:30 am on a Saturday. I am just getting home from the club we were supposed to be at last night, until you ditched me to go be with your copper friend." Tin said sweetly.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry about that. Turns out I should have just gone ahead with our plans I was home by 8 pm."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I had a few things to think about. And a club full of people isn't going to help with any of my thinking." Holly said as she rolled over in bed and put her free arm on her forehead.

"Please don't tell me you're revising your over-expose strategy this late in the game. Holly, we talked about this. I thought you've decided that you'll make sure that you're conveniently available to Gail at all times so that she'll be able to sort out if she likes you or not." Tin said through the sound of shuffling.

"Where are you?" Holly asked as she tried desperately to change the subject.

"I'm just coming in the door of my apartment. I was in a cab when I called you. And don't change the subject! What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened; we were having pizza and beer at her place. Then she started blushing when I caught her checking me out." Gail said quickly hoping her friend would miss the last part.

"How is that nothing?!" Tin sounded like she was under cushions now.

"I don't know." Holly answered shortly.

"Holly, come on it's me. Just tell me what's on your mind. I for a fact know that you can over think things sometimes. Not that it's a bad trait. It's good for deciding where to invest your money and such. But sometimes you have to lead with your heart."

"I don't want to lead with my heart! She's straight Tin. That's all there is to it. I'm scared that I am interpreting things one way when she's actually just being a normal woman hanging out with a friend."

"What about the 'checking-you-out' part you said earlier?"

"She said she was tired. I don't know, maybe she was just zoned out. Again, I maybe just imagining things." Holly said dejectedly.

"What happened after that?" Tin said not giving-up.

"Well… there may or may have not been a moment between us by the door as I was leaving."

"Leaving? You left? You ran? Why the hell did you do that? I swear I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you anymore. I thought you liked her?" Tin was obviously exasperated now.

"I do! I really do. But I don't want to ruin a good thing. She's a friend before anything else. She just got out of a relationship. Or to be more truthful she just got dumped. There's no way that there's no residual feelings from that break-up. I just helped her home a few weeks ago while she was crying over said ex." Holly was almost out of breath after saying this.

"I'm hearing too many excuses right now. I got wasted remember? I just called to ask how the plan to make her fall for you is working and you tell me nothing but excuses." Tin said while stifling a yawn. "We're all afraid Holly. Afraid that people will know us well enough to call us on our bullshit. And I understand that you're scared that this copper'll break your heart. But what's life without a little fear? A little unknown?" the woman continued.

"It's easy for you to say that cause it's not your heart that'll be broken."

"Why are we going at this like you're a lost cause? We don't know yet! Can you promise me something please?"

"What? What do you want me to tell you? That I'll try? I don't know Tin. I'm afraid this is going to hurt more than anything before. I haven't even been out on a proper date with her and the thought of not seeing her anymore, and not being able to hang-out almost cripples me." Holly finally admits.

"That is something to run towards Holly. Not something you run away from. Gail seems like a nice girl for you to like her this much. When all is said and done and you still want to be friends with her then you can just ask her and let her decide. What is the point in playing it safe if you'll never know if you had a chance with her?"

Holly was silent for a while.

Then Tin added "I will leave you in peace to mull it over. Do you want to do lunch with me tomorrow?"

"Yes sure. I'll text you. I need to get back to sleep, if I can. After all the things you gave me to think about I have no doubt the sun will be out before I get some shut-eye."

"What did I tell you? Stop thinking and start doing. Lead with your heart. It has led you wrong before, but feelings like the one you have for this girl needs to be given a chance. It's the kind of love people write sonnets and novels about." Tin said finally.

"Whatever Tin, I'm starting to think you're more drunk than you lead on." Holly laughingly said as she hung-up.

So here she was, awake at 3 am. 3:07 to be exact. It's going to be hard to get back to sleep after letting her ghost out to play. Not that her ghost is scary. It's quite the opposite; her ghost is blond lean and has eyes that can pierce through any armor.

She tossed her phone on the unoccupied side of the bed and got up. Leaving her slippers off she walked to her kitchen to get a glass of milk.

While finishing her glass she notices her bat at the side of the front door. She is then flooded with snippets of memories. Gail trying and failing to actually hit the ball. Herself teaching Gail a few basics. The unintentional body contact made during the said tutorial. Holly snaps herself out of the memory and stares down her arm. She has goose bumps, she wasn't even cold.

Ghost indeed Gail Peck.

She pads back to her room and lies down. Contemplating until past 5 am if exorcising Gail from her life is something she could do at this point.

**There we have it. Turns out it's not only Gail who needs to put herself out there eh? **** Did this chapter make you happy? Sad? Or did it make you feel nothing? Leave a review and let me know.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hello all. I have to admit this was a tough chapter to write. But I would still like to thank everyone who reviewed and followed the story. Here goes chapter 4. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4 **

"This is stupid!" Gail screamed into her pillow. She's in bed trying to figure out if she should send Holly a message so they can hang-out. It's a beautiful Sunday morning and Holly was weird last night when she left after just a slice of pizza. Gail wanted everything to be non-complicated like it was before the interrogation -room kiss. Yes she has named the kiss. It's been on replay in her head and she finally decided to name the memory. Why did I kiss her in the first place? Gail asked herself. She knew she let the heat of the moment take her. Adrenaline running through her as she thought of the danger she faced out in the streets. She just let her body do what it wanted, in a single moment of lapsed judgement she kissed a woman she was terribly fond of. She vaguely remembers thinking that she may not make it through the day alive. And she didn't want to die not knowing what it felt like to kiss Holly properly. Remembering this she sat bolt up in bed and wracked her brain to remember when she first started thinking of kissing Holly. A flash of gold and the feel of fur filled her mind's eye. She was back in the coat room with Holly, trying to hide from the too happy people out in the party. She remembers the smell of Holly's perfume as she got closer and gave her a kiss on the lips. The kiss burned for a second and then was gone as soon as it came. She stared at Holly's retreating back after saying something about dancing.

Gail got out of bed and paced for a few seconds. So, does this mean? She's not sure what it means. Does this make her a lesbian? She's just admitted to herself that she has been thinking of kissing a woman for a few weeks before actually acting on it. Does wanting to kiss a girl, a particularly beautiful, intelligent, and off-the-wall-weird girl make her a lesbian? Gail stops pacing. She lunges at her phone in bed, and sends a text to Holly before she could talk herself out of it. "Meet me for lunch?" Leaving her phone on the bed she stands up and heads for the kitchen to eat. She takes her sweet time eating. She was itching to check her phone for a reply but she refuses to be that pathetic. After a good 30 minutes of slow chewing corn cereal, Gail calmly walks back to her bed to check her phone. One message from Holly reads: "I can't, already have plans. How about coffee after my lunch date?". Gail was shocked at the term lunch date, she told herself people can have non-romantic lunch dates. Holly could have a friend that likes to eat lunch. Heck Gail likes to eat lunch and she's Holly's friend. Or so she thinks she's just a friend. Gail stops her train of thought before she can confuse herself any further. She quickly replies "Ok coffee at the mall. My treat, since you brought pizza last night." Ok that was pretty straight forward. She tells herself as she waits for a response. She didn't need to wait long; she is rewarded by the sound of her phone. She reads the reply "OK" from Holly.

Gail glares at her phone. She may be over thinking this but what does OK mean?!

Lunch comes and goes. Gail has resorted to vegging out in front of the TV to quiet her restless thoughts. She looks at the clock and gets up to get ready. The routine of washing her hair and getting ready occupies her mind, until she is wrapped in a towel and stares blankly at her closet. What does one wear to a meet-up for coffee again?

After finally deciding to go with jeans and a plain white top Gail is on her way to the mall. She's currently unsure as to why she's nervous. She has informed Holly of the coffee shop's location in the mall and they just agreed to meet there. She knew that she wasn't supposed to be this nervous. It's just coffee with a friend after all. But that's just it. After discovering that she has been secretly lusting after said friend she can't be sure she could trust herself anymore. What if everything she does that she doesn't think of first is actually something her subconscious wants? Her mom's voice in her head has been awfully quiet lately and it scares her to think that it's working in the background to make her do things that it wants done. Ok this train of thought is bordering on the schizophrenic, she has to stop.

Gail finds herself in the Coffee shop. She orders tea instead of coffee (to help with her nerves) and finds a cosy booth while she waits for Holly. She positions herself so that she sees the door. While waiting she looks around the shop, it's quaint with its old wood floors and ceiling. It is obvious painstaking lengths were taken to make the store look older than it really was. The warm glow of the yellow bulbs above the booths provided an invitation to stay and relax. Gail looks at the door again, she sees Holly walking towards the store. Holly was relaxed wearing shorts and a shirt with the silhouette of Einstein in front. The sight made Gail smile. "Such a nerd" she thought.

"Hey!" Holly said as she got to the booth.

"Hey to you too." Gail answered smiling.

Holly ordered coffee and came back to the booth. "So anything new?" she asked Gail as she was sitting down.

"Oh nothing's new really, except for the fact that I'm gay." Gail said nonchalantly.

Holly then proceeded to choke on her drink. "What?!"

Gail gave Holly her sweetest smile and said "Yeah, I figured it out this morning."

"Let me get this straight. You woke up this morning and found out you are no longer straight?" Holly said in disbelief.

"What? Is there like a program that I should follow or something?" Gail said with a hint of impatience.

Holly was still unconvinced. "No, no, it's just that you took me by surprise. What made you say you're gay?"

Gail was quiet. She didn't want to reveal her almost epiphany earlier in the day.

"You're really gonna make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"I kissed you! Don't you remember? In the interrogation room when I almost got shot." Gail said loudly. This outburst made a few heads turn to look in their direction.

Holly wanted to puff out her chest and preen in front of the onlookers. She wanted to let them all know that yes, this hot, bombshell of a girl kissed her. But first things first.

"Gail, one kiss doesn't make you gay. Also if you count the drunken endeavour we had at the wedding that still doesn't make you gay. At the most you're confused." Holly tried to explain as simply as she could.

"Who are you to tell me if I'm gay or not? Just because you're a lesbian doesn't mean you're the authority on it." Gail said pissed.

"Believe me Gail there is no one in this world that wants you to be gay more than I do. But I don't recommend you labelling yourself unless you're sure you want to carry the weight of that label."

"Awww. Thanks Holly I think you're hot too." Gail said jokingly.

This made Holly laugh. She placed her hands on top of Gail's and squeezed. "I'm sorry for putting you through this Gail. I was selfish in wanting you. I didn't think of the consequence it may have on you. You deserve to find out who you are without any outside influence. And me hanging around you all the time was influencing you."

"I like you hanging around me, in fact that's what made me think I was gay in the first place. I like looking at you. I like holding your hands and most especially I like it when you kiss me." Gail said shyly.

Holly couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was quiet. She squeezed Gail's hands again as she pulled her out of her chair.

Holly and Gail walked out the door of the coffee shop hand in hand. They weren't sure where they were going but their hands were in each other's so anywhere would be good.

**AN: I think this is the end of the story. I have been blocked and I don't know if this story is going to go further. I hope after I get some sleep a few more things will occur to me. In the mean time I would like to thank everyone for reading. And if y'all think there should be more please let me know. If not I think I ended it well right?**


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